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Sunday, November 05, 2006

Shall we stay in the public eye after transition?

In an online forum we are discussing whether living in stealth hurts the transsexual cause. Most of us tend to go our ways, disappear from the transition scened and blend back into society. There are many however who will never pass completely. Wouldn't it be nice for everyone if those who could pass well come out publicly? I'm not in those ranks folks. I like my private life. This internet incarnation gives me a mask so that I can pop in and do what I can to further the cause.

One online acquaintance wonders how she would ever answer questions about her past. "If I were ever asked about the labor of my child, I could never tell anything but the truth, that I am her father."

I've only been presented with a question like that once. It was in chat with an old work acquaintance. She asked that very same question... well very close. She asked "What was labor like for your first?" I told her that "for the birth of my first, labor was no big deal for me." That was the only time I've ever had to answer a question about the birth of my kids. I'm not sure how I would handle it in person. I'd probably tell them that I am not their birth mother and leave it at that.

I have never lied. But I've learned to talk about my "ex spousal person" even with my hubby who knows everything he wants to know. It's sort of a valley girl thang I picked up when I lived in LA. I know that it is old hat... but let me tell you, it works for me. It's my personality. When I'm asked about my excommunication from my church, I tell them that "I told a church authority that he was fulll of..." which I truly did. My kids are now married and the issues about their younger years and my part to play are non existant. Usually, people know that I went through a very painful divorce and left my home state. If anyone intrudes by asking a personal question, I just tell them that it is too painful to talk about and I don't want to go there.

I went through hell to live my life as a woman. I would never want to confirm anyone's doubt by telling them stuff they don't need to know. For those who are starting out or are in transition, believe me... when you get past all of this, you'll not be wanting to wear a sign. You will want to do your very best to blend in and disappear.

Now with that said, there are times when the issue is almost sure to come up.... like the little kid giving you the eye. I look straight back and do something totally female. I scrunch up my face and give them a big smile... and play peek aboo. My smile does work. The issue fades.

If an adult asks me point blank "Were you a guy once?" I learned to diffuse the situation immediately by saying "Yes I was. And it was a pretty boring life, let me tell you." In the last several years, this has totally been a non issue.

I have turned down interviews to promote my book. Yes, it would be nice for the extra money in book sales. But I'm confident that those who need it will find it. I wrote it only to help others by telling my story. I don't need to plaster my face across America for a few extra bucks. I've come here to help some along the way... and you know what, some of you have helped me in return. For that I am eternally grateful.


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

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