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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Why did god ignore me?

I've been having many depressing feelings today.  My folks came to visit for four weeks and left early yesterday. I look forward to their visit every year. I plan all year for it. And when they leave, I am totally crushed.  I cried all day yesterday and today. I've been doing nothing but moping around. Why did this thing have to tear my family apart? Why did I have to leave my home state to pursue my life?  Why was my own family rent so needlessly?

I plead with God for many years for answers.  And finally I stopped, for my answer had been there all along.  The problem was mine to resolve.

Will I ever have a real answer?  In my case it no longer matters. I know that I've done everything that I can to provide for my family and take care of them. I've done my best to rebuild our relationships. I still grieve at times and suppose that I always will. Sometimes I hate this situation.

BUT.  I do have a new life. I have a husband who loves me more than "they" do. For he loves me unconditionally. I have friends who care deeply for me. That which I've gained has tremendous value.  Those who could not grow beyond this thing are still stuck at the crossroads and will not let the past become history. They may never get over it.  And for that I am very sorry.  For the rest of my family, our relationships have grown ever stronger over the years.

So, while I'm feeling down right now... while I am still wondering why.... the answer still remains the same. These are my problems. I am still working on them. I am still growing. And, I still miss my family.

You know it's funny. If we were crippled in an accident, they'd not have a problem with it. If we were born with some other physical defect, they'd fully accept us and dote over us our whole life.  They can't see or understand this.

So why does it have to tear us apart?  Only because we let it.  And sadly, it is a "WE" thing. Both parties must work on it.  Why does God let it happen? Perhaps he let it happen as a biological mistake. Perhaps he doesn't care. Perhaps there is no god. It doesn't matter. It's all part of the rich tapestry of life.


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Monday, April 09, 2007

I love the British

I've always admired the British. They are students of language. At least that's the impression I get when watching their news reports or see one of their citizens interviewed on television.  Their prime minister can also speak in real sentences…something that escapes our esteemed leader these days (President Bush).


Perhaps it is their perfect accent.  My first impression is that of intelligence. Those who express themselves with eloquence demand my admiration.


So I'm delighted when I see that sales of my book have skyrocketed in Great Britain.  In fact, they have surpassed sales here in the good ole USA. 


I wonder why that is?  What is it about my story that garners greater interest in the British Isles? Certainly the incidence of transsexualism is not greater.  Perhaps it is because they read more.  Perhaps it is because they don't have the huge selection of poor programming on their "tele" that we have to waste time.  Whatever the reason, I'm delighted and honored that the British are enjoying my story.



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