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Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Bible quotes that come in handy

I really hate to get involved in religious discussions when hatred and bigotry are involved. Yet it happens. Some of my friends have asked me for appropriate quotes that they may pass on to friends and family.

These references work in almost any situation:

From Mathew chapter 22: 37-40

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Luke 6:37 Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven

Luke 6:41 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye. (a mote is a splinter and a beam is a large piece of lumber)

Will this help you in a tirade of religious exchange? Probably not. People will believe what they will. But here it is... just in case it can help you.

Enjoy life. Chin up....

Your Druish Princess

Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Monday, November 13, 2006

Is the kingdom of heaven among us?

"The kingdom of heaven is among us." I borrowed one of my dad's DVDs recently. He didn't like it because he said he couldn't follow it. It is called "The Kingdome of Heaven" and was released two or three years ago. I encourage everyone to watch it. I guarantee you that if you catch the real kingdom of heaven in that film, your life will be enriched.

I know that when I die, my ashes will be scattered below a favorite oak tree. My ashes will help enrich the soil to help feed that tree which is a home for birds, lichens, various creepy crawly things, and even mistletoe. The cycle of life will continue.

I am hopeful that some of my words will live on. For as long as I'm remembered, I'll still be alive in someone's heart. This is why I write.

If there is indeed life after death, I will embrace it fully. But I refuse to live my life in the here and now giving up what this world has to offer by the promise that my afterlife shall be better. I believe in making life here better, right now, for everyone.

If life is a test, I will likely fail. I was never good at tests. I can't believe a loving parent would expect a child to embrace a set of beliefs to follow and then damn that child because he/she could not divine the correct path left by 2000 year old bread crumbs. What would you do with your child who has "strayed"? You would love your child no matter what. Right? Is our capability to love greater than what God would have? I don't think so.

Copyright by Cindi Jones 2006 RSS feeds allowed

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What seperates us from the animals?

Ahhh... interesting question. Yes there are similarities in the animal kingdom. Scientists have been studying gay mice for some time.

I raised pigeons when I was a kid. I had a hen. She was beautiful and was my favorite. All the cocks liked her too. They all mounted her. Well go figure... she mounted another hen and they had chicks. Once the chicks were raised, he went back to being a she and started up with the other cocks.

Pretty pigeon never "fathered" any additional chicks. I made sure to point out this interesting story to my father as it played out. I was hopeful that it might someday serve as a handy reference.

So did my gay bird imitate humans? Or is the gay “lifestyle” something that some are born with? What are the real differences between us and the animals? There aren’t too many to put on the list, that’s for sure.

What separates us from the animals?

1) We write stories and write music. We pass them over the generations.
2) We have created religion. Animals are too smart to get into this kind of trouble.
3) We are the only species capable to work together to leave our planet, visit another world and return.
4) We have the capacity and desire to protect and rear defective offspring en masse.

Where are we so much like animals?

1) We are territorial. We kill those not like us. The only difference between us and animals in this most animal of instincts is that we give the glory of carnage to god.
2) We protect our young.
3) We pass on learned behaviour to our young through our actions.
4) We procreate uncontrollably. We depend on nature and our own warring ways to cull the herd.
And like that.
Chin up....
bending light and time

Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Welcome to the machine

Have you seen it? Everyone is in a quick lunch place; the camera angle is looking straight down as people move around the tables and through the line. The music is quickly paced and peppy. The image presented is a machine, the cogs are people as they move in tempo to the music. At the end of the line, everyone zips their Visa card through the pay machine and zips on through. The cogs turn, everything is in rhythm, people get their food, people come in, people leave. It is a colorful metaphor for what lunch “should be”.

And then a fellow steps up to pay with cash. As he opens his wallet, the machine breaks down. Chefs drop something in a big dish of creamy stuff, trays drop to the floor, the cogs break and bunch up against one another.

Really. They are telling us that we are cogs in a giant machine collecting money for them as efficiently as possible. WE ARE COGS IN THEIR MACHINE! And they are brazen enough to present it forthwith. There is no hiding the message. And I suspect that for the most part, most Americans think that it is a cute ad. And many will be convinced that using cash breaks the machine of business and get others upset. Wow. Can you believe this?

Hey folks… I’m convinced that I’m going to the bank tomorrow so that I can get out some cash. For the next several weeks I am going to use cash to pay for my groceries, gasoline, and whatever else. Let’s just see how many people I can piss off.

And while we are talking about the big machine, don’t forget to study up on the issues and vote on Tuesday. This is the one way we can help drive the big machine that has become our country. Perhaps we can’t change what they do while they are in there… but we can sure vote them out if we don’t like what they have done.


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

My dream last night... was it a vision?

I ventured out on the lawn... we were having a cookout. The Queen of England was sitting at a table with my mother and the sprinkler was soaking them all. I had a towel and sopped up as much as I could but I needed a fresh towel.

So I went back to the house and got in the elevator. Well the elevator was very tiny and I found myself on the outside of the building. I pushed the buttons for the 6th floor of the furniture store and it over shot but the door opened and I had to step across the bottomless elevator shaft to step in through the door to the bath and grocery department.

Then I stumbled onto the King's yacht with fresh tomatos. But the yacht was very tiny. He wasn't a very rich King. There was barely enough room for everyone. Three guys were using the wall long urinal in the dining room and as I turned, three chefs were passing around veggies to cut up.

I got off the Yacht but I could not see the boat itself, and I was in the middle of the street. I collected my sister and we got back on the yacht somehow and it was even smaller than before......

And then I woke up.

What does it all mean? How should I incorporate this all into my everyday life? Is it religious validation of a fundamental belief? Am I now a "profit"? Do I need install a wall long urinal in my living room? And where does my sister fit into all this? Is she the one to save me from suffocating in an invisible yacht that sails the neghborhoods? Or should I have picked up TP instead of tomatoes in the bath and grocery department?

I'm afraid these mysteries shall have no answer in my life time. They are just too confusing to deal with. Or perhaps tonight, I shall receive another revelation.. a parking spot to fit the yacht so that indeed it can be seen.

But then, another question shall be raised. When do we break down and paint the beast?

I'm sorry for sharing such an intimate thing with you all. I hope that you don't think that I am sane or something. But I really don't need help in sorting this all out.

Chin up... and all of that!


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Shall we stay in the public eye after transition?

In an online forum we are discussing whether living in stealth hurts the transsexual cause. Most of us tend to go our ways, disappear from the transition scened and blend back into society. There are many however who will never pass completely. Wouldn't it be nice for everyone if those who could pass well come out publicly? I'm not in those ranks folks. I like my private life. This internet incarnation gives me a mask so that I can pop in and do what I can to further the cause.

One online acquaintance wonders how she would ever answer questions about her past. "If I were ever asked about the labor of my child, I could never tell anything but the truth, that I am her father."

I've only been presented with a question like that once. It was in chat with an old work acquaintance. She asked that very same question... well very close. She asked "What was labor like for your first?" I told her that "for the birth of my first, labor was no big deal for me." That was the only time I've ever had to answer a question about the birth of my kids. I'm not sure how I would handle it in person. I'd probably tell them that I am not their birth mother and leave it at that.

I have never lied. But I've learned to talk about my "ex spousal person" even with my hubby who knows everything he wants to know. It's sort of a valley girl thang I picked up when I lived in LA. I know that it is old hat... but let me tell you, it works for me. It's my personality. When I'm asked about my excommunication from my church, I tell them that "I told a church authority that he was fulll of..." which I truly did. My kids are now married and the issues about their younger years and my part to play are non existant. Usually, people know that I went through a very painful divorce and left my home state. If anyone intrudes by asking a personal question, I just tell them that it is too painful to talk about and I don't want to go there.

I went through hell to live my life as a woman. I would never want to confirm anyone's doubt by telling them stuff they don't need to know. For those who are starting out or are in transition, believe me... when you get past all of this, you'll not be wanting to wear a sign. You will want to do your very best to blend in and disappear.

Now with that said, there are times when the issue is almost sure to come up.... like the little kid giving you the eye. I look straight back and do something totally female. I scrunch up my face and give them a big smile... and play peek aboo. My smile does work. The issue fades.

If an adult asks me point blank "Were you a guy once?" I learned to diffuse the situation immediately by saying "Yes I was. And it was a pretty boring life, let me tell you." In the last several years, this has totally been a non issue.

I have turned down interviews to promote my book. Yes, it would be nice for the extra money in book sales. But I'm confident that those who need it will find it. I wrote it only to help others by telling my story. I don't need to plaster my face across America for a few extra bucks. I've come here to help some along the way... and you know what, some of you have helped me in return. For that I am eternally grateful.


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Saturday, November 04, 2006

HRT not working?

An online friend of mine confessed today that she didn't think that she was getting much from the HRT she is receiving from her doctor. Hormone replacement therapy is one of the medical procedures we go through prior to surgery as a transsexual. It is similar to what a normal woman goes through after having a hysterectomy. The difference in transsexuals is that the doseages are elevated in an attempt to counteract the effects of testosterone. Many transsexuals experience feminization in their physical features. Most experience some breast growth and some redistribution of body fat.

For what it is worth, I didn't get a whole lot from HRT prior to surgery. There were many times when I felt like you. And there were many times I took a step back to reexamine my decisions... sometimes at great personal and mental harm.

When I hear someone playing up how wonderful HRT is, I always think "what's with that?" For in my personal experience, HRT did almost nothing. And you know... in all likelyhood, I seriously believe that there are many just like me who are afraid to admit it. We do have a culture, like it or not, where we feel we "must" show something for our efforts. What happens when there is no progress? What do we have to "brag" about? What do we have to show ourselves that what we are doing is showing positive results? Does it matter? ... really?

6 months after my surgery, I finally noticed what a lack of testosterone was like. My mind finally cleared and I no longer felt depressed ALL the time. I didn't have that thing churning in my mind pushing me to do crazy things. As I look back, I'm glad that I did have periods of introspection. I'm glad that I did try to return those times. It helped me solidify my decision. It has given my life a stronger drive to move ahead and not linger in non productive thought.

Unfortunately, there is no ruler against we can measure our progress physically or mentally. The only measure we track is amongst the people we know. And for that, our TG/TS community sometimes will drag us along to some degree. I always advise not to get caught up in that aspect. Caution is always best when considering such life changing decisions.

If you are on HRT and have doubts , spend a weekend totally in drab (as a guy). See if it floats your boat. Slick back your hair and go spend a weekend in another city. That may give you a better idea where you are going. But don't worry about the HRT drugs. In my opinion, there is way too much attention given to this part of the process.


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Friday, November 03, 2006

Learning to Pass - Walking

I've been asked to start a conversation on passing. I was already thinking of something when I received that request. Please feel free to join in this discussion. If you'd like to see me write tips on other subjects, please PM me.

I watched a documentary on Discovery last night called switching sexes. Among a few topics they chronicled one fellow before he started his transition and ended with her living her new life as a woman but still not yet having SRS. One of the problems I noticed she carried yet unto the end of the production was her walk. She walked like a guy. She had a lovely face and was tall, but the biggest tell was that she lumbered down the sidewalk like a gorilla.

While I was still in my CD days, I met with my buddy Matty, in the bay area when I was traveling on business. I had been passing successfully for some time. I had the walk down. We doubled with another couple for lunch at some swank restaurant. I was dressed nicely in my punk dark doo and a form fitting knit dress with 3" heels. As we finished up a fine meal, we walked out to the car. The other fellow and his wife followed Matty and me out to the car as I held on to his elbow.

When we got in the car, she asked me: "Cindi, will you please show me how you walk like that?" "Huh?" I asked. She followed: "You walk very sexy. I want you to show me how." When we arrived at my apartment we had a walking lesson.

With all the tells to work on, walking was one that I had studied with a strong eye all my life. It is the easiest tell to fix (no surgery or money) and it is one of the most important. It came easily although I had never walked that way as a guy. So, what does a guy look like?

A manly man has a long stride. His arms swing back and forth palms pointed slightly backward. Each step is bluntly taken as if anything in the path will bend to his will. With every step, his heel firmly hits the pavement. The bulk of his weight is instantly transfered to the new step. His shoulders will move forward with each stride. He often will look down. He looks straight ahead with a singular purpose of reaching his destination. Here are some tips for walking in feminine fashion while wearing normal shoes if you are an MTF.

1 - Turn your elbows in toward you some. This will turn your palms more towards the front. Ask a woman to stretch her arm out. It will bend slightly backwards at the elbow. Guys can't do this. Turning your elbows in a bit will compensate for this inability.
2 - Lift your chin a bit and look forward. If you are walking with someone, look at them more often.
3 - Take smaller steps.
4 - Glide. See the movie Miss Congeniality to see how..
5 - Smile. Men don't smile.
6 - Take in the sights. Men ignore the sights.
7 - Swish your hips a bit... .from left to right in rythm. Women's hips are set out farther from the center of gravity. This action comes naturally for them. We have to practice.
8 - Think "keep my knees together". Keeping them close together will allow you to more slowly transfer your weight from foot to foot.
9 - If your feet point forward or slightly out when you walk, put each step down and think pivot ankle in a bit as you take the step.
10 - If you carry a shoulder bag, rest your forarm on it with a limp wrist. ...
11 - Don't hold your hands straight, rather, bend them out a bit.
12 - Don't let your shoulders follow your feet. Your shoulders will follow where you look, and your feet follow. When you get distracted, every thing follows in that order.

Now, my new friend didn't need to know all that to walk like a woman. She wanted to walk sexy while wearing high heels. And I think that it is good practice for an MTF to practice wearing walking in modest heels. So this is what I showed her:

1 - Take smaller steps than when wearing flats.
2 - When you take smaller steps, you set your feet down more level. The heel is not set down to the pavement squarely. Rather, the ball of the foot comes close behind.
3 - Set your foot down facing forward. Note that this is different than when wearing flats.
4 - Let your ankle wobble. This is a natural tendancy, let it happen. If your ankle wobbles, it shows weakness; a truly feminine charactersitic. Keeping your ankle stiff will be a dead tell for you as an MTF. For a GG, it just doesn't look very feminine.
5 - Swivel your heel in (your toes out) as you lift each foot. Note that this is just opposite as when wearing flats.
6 - Glide and swish

So you can't get all this down? Don't worry. Practice. Watch women you think are feminine. See what they do and practice in front of a mirror. Have a friend help you experiment. Get this down so it is something you do without thinking. The walk is your most important tell to change.


Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Cindi's Beliefs

I've been asked many times during the past several months what I believe. My writings have invited many curious questions from my readers. In another forum, I am answering questions concerning Mormon doctrine and history. I am not sharing my beliefs in that thread.

I have been hesitant to do this for various reasons but I think that posting my beliefs may answer questions for some, clear up perceptions for others, and just bore the rest of you to tears. I welcome comment and criticism. So, here they are... my beliefs.


Cindi's Beliefs

People have beliefs that they hold sacred. I do not believe in denigrating them. I honor their faith with an honest heart.

I will not be a member of an organized church. I believe that any organization that exists to the exclusion of any people has the potential to become powerful and exert harm towards minorities.

I do believe that there are many churches that are honorable and perform great good. I believe that there are many believers of almost every faith who are righteous and good.

I do not attribute things that I do not understand to be understood only by God. We have been given curiosity to learn and discover. I believe that it is a holy mandate for us to experiment and learn.

I do understand that most scientific facts have numerous flaws in definition or understanding. I understand that many scientific tenants continue to be redefined. However, we should not ever cease our pursuit for learning in all things.

I do believe that we should teach science in schools. I believe that religion is best taught by parents. Religion should not be taught in public schools.

I believe that we have power we do not understand. Some define this as faith. I believe that this power can be used for good, for healing, and understanding. I believe that many people can effectively use prayer.

I believe that Science and Faith can and do come together. We no longer pray for the rain god to release rain for example. We now understand how rain is made.

I believe in propagating the religious stories and traditions of our forefathers. These spiritual lessons learned for generations are important to understand. They can be used in an uplifting way. I do not condone the use of them to persecute any minority.

I do not believe anything anyone tells me to be absolute in any form. I believe there is truth but I believe no one can tell me the absolute truth, especially when it comes to living my own life.

I am a very spiritual person. I live my life by sharing love, charity, and grace. I have no need to forgive. I let things that offend me slide away.

I strive to protect the minority in any situation.

I hold all life as precious.

I am responsible for my own actions.

My beliefs are mine and although I will share them, I will not push them on anyone else.

Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.