In an online forum we are discussing whether living in stealth hurts the transsexual cause. Most of us tend to go our ways, disappear from the transition scened and blend back into society. There are many however who will never pass completely. Wouldn't it be nice for everyone if those who could pass well come out publicly? I'm not in those ranks folks. I like my private life. This internet incarnation gives me a mask so that I can pop in and do what I can to further the cause.
One online acquaintance wonders how she would ever answer questions about her past. "If I were ever asked about the labor of my child, I could never tell anything but the truth, that I am her father."
I've only been presented with a question like that once. It was in chat with an old work acquaintance. She asked that very same question... well very close. She asked "What was labor like for your first?" I told her that "for the birth of my first, labor was no big deal for me." That was the only time I've ever had to answer a question about the birth of my kids. I'm not sure how I would handle it in person. I'd probably tell them that I am not their birth mother and leave it at that.
I have never lied. But I've learned to talk about my "ex spousal person" even with my hubby who knows everything he wants to know. It's sort of a valley girl thang I picked up when I lived in LA. I know that it is old hat... but let me tell you, it works for me. It's my personality. When I'm asked about my excommunication from my church, I tell them that "I told a church authority that he was fulll of..." which I truly did. My kids are now married and the issues about their younger years and my part to play are non existant. Usually, people know that I went through a very painful divorce and left my home state. If anyone intrudes by asking a personal question, I just tell them that it is too painful to talk about and I don't want to go there.
I went through hell to live my life as a woman. I would never want to confirm anyone's doubt by telling them stuff they don't need to know. For those who are starting out or are in transition, believe me... when you get past all of this, you'll not be wanting to wear a sign. You will want to do your very best to blend in and disappear.
Now with that said, there are times when the issue is almost sure to come up.... like the little kid giving you the eye. I look straight back and do something totally female. I scrunch up my face and give them a big smile... and play peek aboo. My smile does work. The issue fades.
If an adult asks me point blank "Were you a guy once?" I learned to diffuse the situation immediately by saying "Yes I was. And it was a pretty boring life, let me tell you." In the last several years, this has totally been a non issue.
I have turned down interviews to promote my book. Yes, it would be nice for the extra money in book sales. But I'm confident that those who need it will find it. I wrote it only to help others by telling my story. I don't need to plaster my face across America for a few extra bucks. I've come here to help some along the way... and you know what, some of you have helped me in return. For that I am eternally grateful.
Cindi
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
HRT not working?
An online friend of mine confessed today that she didn't think that she was getting much from the HRT she is receiving from her doctor. Hormone replacement therapy is one of the medical procedures we go through prior to surgery as a transsexual. It is similar to what a normal woman goes through after having a hysterectomy. The difference in transsexuals is that the doseages are elevated in an attempt to counteract the effects of testosterone. Many transsexuals experience feminization in their physical features. Most experience some breast growth and some redistribution of body fat.
For what it is worth, I didn't get a whole lot from HRT prior to surgery. There were many times when I felt like you. And there were many times I took a step back to reexamine my decisions... sometimes at great personal and mental harm.
When I hear someone playing up how wonderful HRT is, I always think "what's with that?" For in my personal experience, HRT did almost nothing. And you know... in all likelyhood, I seriously believe that there are many just like me who are afraid to admit it. We do have a culture, like it or not, where we feel we "must" show something for our efforts. What happens when there is no progress? What do we have to "brag" about? What do we have to show ourselves that what we are doing is showing positive results? Does it matter? ... really?
6 months after my surgery, I finally noticed what a lack of testosterone was like. My mind finally cleared and I no longer felt depressed ALL the time. I didn't have that thing churning in my mind pushing me to do crazy things. As I look back, I'm glad that I did have periods of introspection. I'm glad that I did try to return those times. It helped me solidify my decision. It has given my life a stronger drive to move ahead and not linger in non productive thought.
Unfortunately, there is no ruler against we can measure our progress physically or mentally. The only measure we track is amongst the people we know. And for that, our TG/TS community sometimes will drag us along to some degree. I always advise not to get caught up in that aspect. Caution is always best when considering such life changing decisions.
If you are on HRT and have doubts , spend a weekend totally in drab (as a guy). See if it floats your boat. Slick back your hair and go spend a weekend in another city. That may give you a better idea where you are going. But don't worry about the HRT drugs. In my opinion, there is way too much attention given to this part of the process.
Cindi
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed
For what it is worth, I didn't get a whole lot from HRT prior to surgery. There were many times when I felt like you. And there were many times I took a step back to reexamine my decisions... sometimes at great personal and mental harm.
When I hear someone playing up how wonderful HRT is, I always think "what's with that?" For in my personal experience, HRT did almost nothing. And you know... in all likelyhood, I seriously believe that there are many just like me who are afraid to admit it. We do have a culture, like it or not, where we feel we "must" show something for our efforts. What happens when there is no progress? What do we have to "brag" about? What do we have to show ourselves that what we are doing is showing positive results? Does it matter? ... really?
6 months after my surgery, I finally noticed what a lack of testosterone was like. My mind finally cleared and I no longer felt depressed ALL the time. I didn't have that thing churning in my mind pushing me to do crazy things. As I look back, I'm glad that I did have periods of introspection. I'm glad that I did try to return those times. It helped me solidify my decision. It has given my life a stronger drive to move ahead and not linger in non productive thought.
Unfortunately, there is no ruler against we can measure our progress physically or mentally. The only measure we track is amongst the people we know. And for that, our TG/TS community sometimes will drag us along to some degree. I always advise not to get caught up in that aspect. Caution is always best when considering such life changing decisions.
If you are on HRT and have doubts , spend a weekend totally in drab (as a guy). See if it floats your boat. Slick back your hair and go spend a weekend in another city. That may give you a better idea where you are going. But don't worry about the HRT drugs. In my opinion, there is way too much attention given to this part of the process.
Cindi
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed
Friday, November 03, 2006
Learning to Pass - Walking
I've been asked to start a conversation on passing. I was already thinking of something when I received that request. Please feel free to join in this discussion. If you'd like to see me write tips on other subjects, please PM me.
I watched a documentary on Discovery last night called switching sexes. Among a few topics they chronicled one fellow before he started his transition and ended with her living her new life as a woman but still not yet having SRS. One of the problems I noticed she carried yet unto the end of the production was her walk. She walked like a guy. She had a lovely face and was tall, but the biggest tell was that she lumbered down the sidewalk like a gorilla.
While I was still in my CD days, I met with my buddy Matty, in the bay area when I was traveling on business. I had been passing successfully for some time. I had the walk down. We doubled with another couple for lunch at some swank restaurant. I was dressed nicely in my punk dark doo and a form fitting knit dress with 3" heels. As we finished up a fine meal, we walked out to the car. The other fellow and his wife followed Matty and me out to the car as I held on to his elbow.
When we got in the car, she asked me: "Cindi, will you please show me how you walk like that?" "Huh?" I asked. She followed: "You walk very sexy. I want you to show me how." When we arrived at my apartment we had a walking lesson.
With all the tells to work on, walking was one that I had studied with a strong eye all my life. It is the easiest tell to fix (no surgery or money) and it is one of the most important. It came easily although I had never walked that way as a guy. So, what does a guy look like?
A manly man has a long stride. His arms swing back and forth palms pointed slightly backward. Each step is bluntly taken as if anything in the path will bend to his will. With every step, his heel firmly hits the pavement. The bulk of his weight is instantly transfered to the new step. His shoulders will move forward with each stride. He often will look down. He looks straight ahead with a singular purpose of reaching his destination. Here are some tips for walking in feminine fashion while wearing normal shoes if you are an MTF.
1 - Turn your elbows in toward you some. This will turn your palms more towards the front. Ask a woman to stretch her arm out. It will bend slightly backwards at the elbow. Guys can't do this. Turning your elbows in a bit will compensate for this inability.
2 - Lift your chin a bit and look forward. If you are walking with someone, look at them more often.
3 - Take smaller steps.
4 - Glide. See the movie Miss Congeniality to see how..
5 - Smile. Men don't smile.
6 - Take in the sights. Men ignore the sights.
7 - Swish your hips a bit... .from left to right in rythm. Women's hips are set out farther from the center of gravity. This action comes naturally for them. We have to practice.
8 - Think "keep my knees together". Keeping them close together will allow you to more slowly transfer your weight from foot to foot.
9 - If your feet point forward or slightly out when you walk, put each step down and think pivot ankle in a bit as you take the step.
10 - If you carry a shoulder bag, rest your forarm on it with a limp wrist. ...
11 - Don't hold your hands straight, rather, bend them out a bit.
12 - Don't let your shoulders follow your feet. Your shoulders will follow where you look, and your feet follow. When you get distracted, every thing follows in that order.
Now, my new friend didn't need to know all that to walk like a woman. She wanted to walk sexy while wearing high heels. And I think that it is good practice for an MTF to practice wearing walking in modest heels. So this is what I showed her:
1 - Take smaller steps than when wearing flats.
2 - When you take smaller steps, you set your feet down more level. The heel is not set down to the pavement squarely. Rather, the ball of the foot comes close behind.
3 - Set your foot down facing forward. Note that this is different than when wearing flats.
4 - Let your ankle wobble. This is a natural tendancy, let it happen. If your ankle wobbles, it shows weakness; a truly feminine charactersitic. Keeping your ankle stiff will be a dead tell for you as an MTF. For a GG, it just doesn't look very feminine.
5 - Swivel your heel in (your toes out) as you lift each foot. Note that this is just opposite as when wearing flats.
6 - Glide and swish
So you can't get all this down? Don't worry. Practice. Watch women you think are feminine. See what they do and practice in front of a mirror. Have a friend help you experiment. Get this down so it is something you do without thinking. The walk is your most important tell to change.
Cindi
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed
I watched a documentary on Discovery last night called switching sexes. Among a few topics they chronicled one fellow before he started his transition and ended with her living her new life as a woman but still not yet having SRS. One of the problems I noticed she carried yet unto the end of the production was her walk. She walked like a guy. She had a lovely face and was tall, but the biggest tell was that she lumbered down the sidewalk like a gorilla.
While I was still in my CD days, I met with my buddy Matty, in the bay area when I was traveling on business. I had been passing successfully for some time. I had the walk down. We doubled with another couple for lunch at some swank restaurant. I was dressed nicely in my punk dark doo and a form fitting knit dress with 3" heels. As we finished up a fine meal, we walked out to the car. The other fellow and his wife followed Matty and me out to the car as I held on to his elbow.
When we got in the car, she asked me: "Cindi, will you please show me how you walk like that?" "Huh?" I asked. She followed: "You walk very sexy. I want you to show me how." When we arrived at my apartment we had a walking lesson.
With all the tells to work on, walking was one that I had studied with a strong eye all my life. It is the easiest tell to fix (no surgery or money) and it is one of the most important. It came easily although I had never walked that way as a guy. So, what does a guy look like?
A manly man has a long stride. His arms swing back and forth palms pointed slightly backward. Each step is bluntly taken as if anything in the path will bend to his will. With every step, his heel firmly hits the pavement. The bulk of his weight is instantly transfered to the new step. His shoulders will move forward with each stride. He often will look down. He looks straight ahead with a singular purpose of reaching his destination. Here are some tips for walking in feminine fashion while wearing normal shoes if you are an MTF.
1 - Turn your elbows in toward you some. This will turn your palms more towards the front. Ask a woman to stretch her arm out. It will bend slightly backwards at the elbow. Guys can't do this. Turning your elbows in a bit will compensate for this inability.
2 - Lift your chin a bit and look forward. If you are walking with someone, look at them more often.
3 - Take smaller steps.
4 - Glide. See the movie Miss Congeniality to see how..
5 - Smile. Men don't smile.
6 - Take in the sights. Men ignore the sights.
7 - Swish your hips a bit... .from left to right in rythm. Women's hips are set out farther from the center of gravity. This action comes naturally for them. We have to practice.
8 - Think "keep my knees together". Keeping them close together will allow you to more slowly transfer your weight from foot to foot.
9 - If your feet point forward or slightly out when you walk, put each step down and think pivot ankle in a bit as you take the step.
10 - If you carry a shoulder bag, rest your forarm on it with a limp wrist. ...
11 - Don't hold your hands straight, rather, bend them out a bit.
12 - Don't let your shoulders follow your feet. Your shoulders will follow where you look, and your feet follow. When you get distracted, every thing follows in that order.
Now, my new friend didn't need to know all that to walk like a woman. She wanted to walk sexy while wearing high heels. And I think that it is good practice for an MTF to practice wearing walking in modest heels. So this is what I showed her:
1 - Take smaller steps than when wearing flats.
2 - When you take smaller steps, you set your feet down more level. The heel is not set down to the pavement squarely. Rather, the ball of the foot comes close behind.
3 - Set your foot down facing forward. Note that this is different than when wearing flats.
4 - Let your ankle wobble. This is a natural tendancy, let it happen. If your ankle wobbles, it shows weakness; a truly feminine charactersitic. Keeping your ankle stiff will be a dead tell for you as an MTF. For a GG, it just doesn't look very feminine.
5 - Swivel your heel in (your toes out) as you lift each foot. Note that this is just opposite as when wearing flats.
6 - Glide and swish
So you can't get all this down? Don't worry. Practice. Watch women you think are feminine. See what they do and practice in front of a mirror. Have a friend help you experiment. Get this down so it is something you do without thinking. The walk is your most important tell to change.
Cindi
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS feeds are allowed
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Cindi's Beliefs
I've been asked many times during the past several months what I believe. My writings have invited many curious questions from my readers. In another forum, I am answering questions concerning Mormon doctrine and history. I am not sharing my beliefs in that thread.
I have been hesitant to do this for various reasons but I think that posting my beliefs may answer questions for some, clear up perceptions for others, and just bore the rest of you to tears. I welcome comment and criticism. So, here they are... my beliefs.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cindi's Beliefs
People have beliefs that they hold sacred. I do not believe in denigrating them. I honor their faith with an honest heart.
I will not be a member of an organized church. I believe that any organization that exists to the exclusion of any people has the potential to become powerful and exert harm towards minorities.
I do believe that there are many churches that are honorable and perform great good. I believe that there are many believers of almost every faith who are righteous and good.
I do not attribute things that I do not understand to be understood only by God. We have been given curiosity to learn and discover. I believe that it is a holy mandate for us to experiment and learn.
I do understand that most scientific facts have numerous flaws in definition or understanding. I understand that many scientific tenants continue to be redefined. However, we should not ever cease our pursuit for learning in all things.
I do believe that we should teach science in schools. I believe that religion is best taught by parents. Religion should not be taught in public schools.
I believe that we have power we do not understand. Some define this as faith. I believe that this power can be used for good, for healing, and understanding. I believe that many people can effectively use prayer.
I believe that Science and Faith can and do come together. We no longer pray for the rain god to release rain for example. We now understand how rain is made.
I believe in propagating the religious stories and traditions of our forefathers. These spiritual lessons learned for generations are important to understand. They can be used in an uplifting way. I do not condone the use of them to persecute any minority.
I do not believe anything anyone tells me to be absolute in any form. I believe there is truth but I believe no one can tell me the absolute truth, especially when it comes to living my own life.
I am a very spiritual person. I live my life by sharing love, charity, and grace. I have no need to forgive. I let things that offend me slide away.
I strive to protect the minority in any situation.
I hold all life as precious.
I am responsible for my own actions.
My beliefs are mine and although I will share them, I will not push them on anyone else.
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
I have been hesitant to do this for various reasons but I think that posting my beliefs may answer questions for some, clear up perceptions for others, and just bore the rest of you to tears. I welcome comment and criticism. So, here they are... my beliefs.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cindi's Beliefs
People have beliefs that they hold sacred. I do not believe in denigrating them. I honor their faith with an honest heart.
I will not be a member of an organized church. I believe that any organization that exists to the exclusion of any people has the potential to become powerful and exert harm towards minorities.
I do believe that there are many churches that are honorable and perform great good. I believe that there are many believers of almost every faith who are righteous and good.
I do not attribute things that I do not understand to be understood only by God. We have been given curiosity to learn and discover. I believe that it is a holy mandate for us to experiment and learn.
I do understand that most scientific facts have numerous flaws in definition or understanding. I understand that many scientific tenants continue to be redefined. However, we should not ever cease our pursuit for learning in all things.
I do believe that we should teach science in schools. I believe that religion is best taught by parents. Religion should not be taught in public schools.
I believe that we have power we do not understand. Some define this as faith. I believe that this power can be used for good, for healing, and understanding. I believe that many people can effectively use prayer.
I believe that Science and Faith can and do come together. We no longer pray for the rain god to release rain for example. We now understand how rain is made.
I believe in propagating the religious stories and traditions of our forefathers. These spiritual lessons learned for generations are important to understand. They can be used in an uplifting way. I do not condone the use of them to persecute any minority.
I do not believe anything anyone tells me to be absolute in any form. I believe there is truth but I believe no one can tell me the absolute truth, especially when it comes to living my own life.
I am a very spiritual person. I live my life by sharing love, charity, and grace. I have no need to forgive. I let things that offend me slide away.
I strive to protect the minority in any situation.
I hold all life as precious.
I am responsible for my own actions.
My beliefs are mine and although I will share them, I will not push them on anyone else.
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Another birthday
Today marks a milestone for me. I’ve been here on our pale blue dot, our planet for 51 years. That’s just a hair more than half a century. That’s a long time in human years. I’ve had friends who have died along the way. Both of my parents still are alive. My brother and sister are still doing well. And I have two children who in turn have their little daughters. That’s a lot of family.
Why am I waxing about my family? I don’t feel old. But that number is creaking up. I’m getting older. A glimpse of my own mortality is shaping up somewhere in the back corners of my mind. Shall I run out and get all religious? No… I’ll just keep trudging along. I do my best to live the kind of life my mother would be proud of. I think that I’m a pretty decent person. I’m pretty humble too.
Mom sent me a check with a card. My folks live several states away. It might as well be half way round the world for as often as I get to see them. I usually get up to see them once a year. And they come out for a visit once a year. I can certainly use the money, don’t get me wrong. I’ll throw it in the good stuff for Cindi fund. But really, I’d be just as happy if she gave me a ring to talk for an hour. Hmmm… it’s only 2:30 PM. I’ll give her another half hour. If she doesn’t call me, I’ll call her.
I’m terrible about calling. I’ve inherited the cheap gene. I have a plan that allows me to call as often as I want. But the cheap gene has been a harsh taskmaster and forced me into a life style that I can not bend. Dad has a cheap gene too; he has the same phone plan as I and yet only rings me up once a month or so. I suppose that I can blame my dad for the cheap gene. He was the one who gave it to mom by osmosis. Our whole family is cheap.
Now, I have a cheap gene but I manage to spend a lot of money. My cello developed a crack in it this week. That is very bad. It's like having a crack in your engine block. The company I bought it from offered to fix it for free. Or, if I wish, I can use the full value that I paid for the instrument to purchase another. Ooooh I like that better. Yes, for a mere 3500 dollars more, I can upgrade to a nicer instrument. I’m not cheap when it comes to good quality. I’ll blow my wad there. For what my ultimate instrument will cost, I could replace your car. I am of course assuming that you drive a really cheap car.
For my birthday I stayed up all night. I rented a couple of very good movies and pigged out on popcorn. After the movies, I got interested in writing. I always write my worst when I’m dead tired. That’s when I write the most content. It’s now 2:35 PM. Oh wait… I mentioned the time just a little bit ago didn’t I? Oh yes, Cindi is very tired.
But I’m also watching the politics on the tele. Republicans VS Democrats. Hey, it’s an easy choice for me. Republicans don’t think that I, a very attractive and charming transsexual woman, deserve to have any personal rights. They frown on abortion, and spew hatred to people like me. I’ve been told I’d be better off dead. Hey, I work hard and pay my share of taxes. What should they care? So what’s the other party? Oh yea… they look a lot like the Republicans in so many ways. But at least they’re not out publicly demanding that my rights be limited. That’s a good thing isn’t it?
I suppose it doesn’t matter much. I’ve already voted by mail. This was the first time in my life that I’ve voted a straight ticket. It was an easy choice. If they vote in a block, they can be voted out in a block. I think that if my political guy can’t think for himself, then he doesn’t belong in office. I’m registered as an independent. Wouldn’t be great if we could all just get along? It’s a nice dream.
Wow.. I was just going to jot down a few notes on today, the birthday of the New and Improved Cindi Jones. It’s turned into a bit more than that. And speaking of turning, this room I’m in doesn’t look all that square anymore. It’s kinda, sorta, wavy like. Yea, I’m tired. I’m drunk with no alcohol to blame. All I can blame is a wonderful night of some good entertainment and great inspiration to knock out a couple of really good articles written elsewhere in the ether sphere.
Take care my web readers. Vote your conscience. Know the issues. And think of us people who live in the nowhere land who deserve our rights just like everybody else.
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
Why am I waxing about my family? I don’t feel old. But that number is creaking up. I’m getting older. A glimpse of my own mortality is shaping up somewhere in the back corners of my mind. Shall I run out and get all religious? No… I’ll just keep trudging along. I do my best to live the kind of life my mother would be proud of. I think that I’m a pretty decent person. I’m pretty humble too.
Mom sent me a check with a card. My folks live several states away. It might as well be half way round the world for as often as I get to see them. I usually get up to see them once a year. And they come out for a visit once a year. I can certainly use the money, don’t get me wrong. I’ll throw it in the good stuff for Cindi fund. But really, I’d be just as happy if she gave me a ring to talk for an hour. Hmmm… it’s only 2:30 PM. I’ll give her another half hour. If she doesn’t call me, I’ll call her.
I’m terrible about calling. I’ve inherited the cheap gene. I have a plan that allows me to call as often as I want. But the cheap gene has been a harsh taskmaster and forced me into a life style that I can not bend. Dad has a cheap gene too; he has the same phone plan as I and yet only rings me up once a month or so. I suppose that I can blame my dad for the cheap gene. He was the one who gave it to mom by osmosis. Our whole family is cheap.
Now, I have a cheap gene but I manage to spend a lot of money. My cello developed a crack in it this week. That is very bad. It's like having a crack in your engine block. The company I bought it from offered to fix it for free. Or, if I wish, I can use the full value that I paid for the instrument to purchase another. Ooooh I like that better. Yes, for a mere 3500 dollars more, I can upgrade to a nicer instrument. I’m not cheap when it comes to good quality. I’ll blow my wad there. For what my ultimate instrument will cost, I could replace your car. I am of course assuming that you drive a really cheap car.
For my birthday I stayed up all night. I rented a couple of very good movies and pigged out on popcorn. After the movies, I got interested in writing. I always write my worst when I’m dead tired. That’s when I write the most content. It’s now 2:35 PM. Oh wait… I mentioned the time just a little bit ago didn’t I? Oh yes, Cindi is very tired.
But I’m also watching the politics on the tele. Republicans VS Democrats. Hey, it’s an easy choice for me. Republicans don’t think that I, a very attractive and charming transsexual woman, deserve to have any personal rights. They frown on abortion, and spew hatred to people like me. I’ve been told I’d be better off dead. Hey, I work hard and pay my share of taxes. What should they care? So what’s the other party? Oh yea… they look a lot like the Republicans in so many ways. But at least they’re not out publicly demanding that my rights be limited. That’s a good thing isn’t it?
I suppose it doesn’t matter much. I’ve already voted by mail. This was the first time in my life that I’ve voted a straight ticket. It was an easy choice. If they vote in a block, they can be voted out in a block. I think that if my political guy can’t think for himself, then he doesn’t belong in office. I’m registered as an independent. Wouldn’t be great if we could all just get along? It’s a nice dream.
Wow.. I was just going to jot down a few notes on today, the birthday of the New and Improved Cindi Jones. It’s turned into a bit more than that. And speaking of turning, this room I’m in doesn’t look all that square anymore. It’s kinda, sorta, wavy like. Yea, I’m tired. I’m drunk with no alcohol to blame. All I can blame is a wonderful night of some good entertainment and great inspiration to knock out a couple of really good articles written elsewhere in the ether sphere.
Take care my web readers. Vote your conscience. Know the issues. And think of us people who live in the nowhere land who deserve our rights just like everybody else.
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Why is it so unreachable?
How can I describe this feeling to want,
this need to hold and to console?
Depression it is not,
perhaps it borders there.
So many I must help,
but they labor so far distant.
Oh, that I could be with them
to embrace and console.
My spirit flitters hither and thither
crying for their calming.
Anxiety cruelly tugs from the edges,
hoping to pull me to another plane.
Am I so different,
so disconnected,
that my thoughts defy my very existence?
Could it be that I crave that very love
I so desperately want to give?
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Religious Persecution
Copyright 2006 Cindi Jones. This essay may not be reproduced in any form without explicit authorization from the author.
Have religious zealots got you down? Does your mother make you feel guilty? Does your dad tell you that you will burn in hell? Take heart. YOU have the power to overcome your sins and transgressions.
If you pull out your rolodex and cross reference religions that use some form of the old testament as scripture, include your JC's, RC's, ED's, and STD's or any other acronyms, those that make mother's guilt a hereditary trait, and those that post letters, symbols, or pictures on a stick... Make sure you include those that dress in clergy drag for services. And what you'll have is a big messy stack of cards.... perhaps more than you started with.
You see, that's the miracle. From any of these recognized sources, you have the ability to really wreck someone's day. That's what hell is my friend; cleaning up someone elses messy stack of cards.
Now, what I like to do when I admonish someone, is pick and choose from the holy text.... you know, form interesting combinations such as:
- Blessed are those who eat pork on the sabbath for theirs is a time to dance.
- Yea give unto ceasar he who would cast the first stone for he is certainly a harlot.
- And yea, he who says Lord, Lord hath forgotten where the queen layeth down.
or my favorite
- And he went forth into the river and changed it all to wine. And the wedding supper twirth revived.
Some you can leave as is, you know, like Lot giving his two daughters to strangers. Or the songs of Solomon are favorites where the author continues to dote on his lovers breasts. These are truly spiritual morsels that should be committed to memory. Or you can commit yourself. It really doesn't matter. The results are always the same.
So what do I pull from all of this?
Before you go to the wedding, make sure that Solomon's performance contract is up to date and that he has been paid. Invite your guests to bring rocks as gifts. Most definitely stop off at Lot's house. Pick up the babes and a couple of large cups. Light your lanterns and have a good time. Yea verily, saith Cindi.
Copyright 2006 by Cindi Jones RSS and Atom feeds allowed. All other use by permission only.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
